How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful (Audible Audio Edition) Linda J MacDonald Tamara Marston Podium Publishing Books
Download As PDF : How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful (Audible Audio Edition) Linda J MacDonald Tamara Marston Podium Publishing Books
Once an affair comes to light, many unfaithful persons "wake up" and want to save their marriages. Yet they usually make terrible mistakes in their bungled attempts to win back their partners' trust. Linda J. MacDonald, an infidelity specialist for 23 years, has identified behaviors and attitudes that determine unfaithful persons' success or failure to mend their marriages after the wrecking ball of an affair. How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair offers practical advice for those who've strayed and want a second chance.
It would take weeks of therapy to learn what Successful Rebuilders know
- How to avoid the potholes that doom marriages after affairs
- Critical guidelines for the first hours after discovery
- Fifteen essential steps for repair after betrayal
- Skills to cope with your partner's obsessions and "triggers"
- Ways to undo the damage from your lies
- The keys to avoid prolonging your spouse's agony (and yours)
- The difference between helpful and harmful apologies
- How to rebuild your broken life, relationships, and integrity
How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful (Audible Audio Edition) Linda J MacDonald Tamara Marston Podium Publishing Books
I bought this book for my husband to read, but was curious and read it myself. From the perspective of the betrayed spouse, I highly recommend this book to other betrayed partners. We are about 6 months in from the affair discovery and the book gave me some great insight as to why I continue to be hung up on some issues and also assured me that my triggers are completely normal and understandable. At a time when you need all the assurance you can get, this book is really helpful. I'm sure my husband will think so too -- I'll give it to him tomorrow.It's a short read, I purchased the audible version and finished it in just over 2 hours.
Update one month later. My husband not only read it,but turned around and immediately read it a second time. We've read several books during our struggle to get beyond the affair and this is the one he (and I) feel is the most helpful in dealing with our day to day relationship. The book has made a big difference in how he approaches the issue and he says is the only thing he's read that truly helps him understand things from my perspective. This book cannot be recommended more strongly.
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How to Help Your Spouse Heal from Your Affair A Compact Manual for the Unfaithful (Audible Audio Edition) Linda J MacDonald Tamara Marston Podium Publishing Books Reviews
I ordered two copies of this book a month after my husband admitted his affair. Feelings were still raw, we spent hours talking, but weren't connecting/communicating fully to the extent either of us wanted. We needed something to help us focus on specific issues, not just the myriad of emotions/thoughts that flooded us throughout the day.
We both approached this resource, pen in hand, side-by-side. We read the whole book, each making notes in our own copy, and then discussed it when we finished 3 nights later.
The first thing we both liked was that it is short. The author doesn't mince words, nor does she waste them.
OVER AND OVER I'd write "YES!" next to a paragraph or underline multiple sentences at a time. My husband did the same - he wrote notes in the margins about things he could relate to (namely how he felt during and after the affair) and frustrations he was having. We went through page by page reviewing our notes and talking out specific points. Frequently we'd hear ourselves saying "you really feel that way?" or "was it really like that?" and follow it up with questioning and relating.
Did it fix us? No. For a couple so early in the healing process not enough of our core issues had even been discovered yet for this book to have that ability.
Did it help us better understand where each other was coming from? Absolutely. It was a great exercise to go through together and I hope to re-read it again to see if there are new insights to help with our current status.
This is such a helpful book! When an affair is discovered or disclosed the trauma, pain and confusion is usually overwhelming and it can be hard to focus on just about anything. This book is short, simple and easy to read. If you are the betrayed partner you might want to read this to learn about what to look for to determine if your partner really is committing him or herself to recovery and your relationship ...or just talking about doing it! If you are the one who had the affair and you want to know what to do to even try to repair the damage, read this book to get sound wisdom about how to be what the author calls a successful rebuilder.
[Note "he" and "his" can refer to either a husband or a wife's unfaithfulness]
The author is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist. After 22 years of counseling, she wrote this book to "identify certain behaviors on the part of unfaithful partners that tend to determine the success or failure of their efforts to save their marriages, post-affair" (p. 9).
These behaviors include
-- Understanding the wrongness of his unfaithfulness
-- Understanding the depth of pain he has caused his spouse.
-- Three barriers to understanding the damage he has done.
-- How to remain resilient in spite of setbacks during recovery.
-- Being realistic about recovery taking time.
-- Respecting the betrayed spouse by allowing her to set the pace and type of healing needed, such as a temporary separation.
-- Telling the truth about one's unfaithfulness rather than waiting to be discovered.
-- Showing remorse and shame rather than defensiveness.
-- Breaking off all contact with the affair partner, including phone calls, texting, emails, and face-to-face.
-- How to end the affair.
-- Stumbling blocks to severing ties with the affair partner.
-- Undoing the damage from one's lies and rationalizations.
-- Accepting full responsibility for one's affair.
-- Being patient with the betrayed spouse's emotions and time needed to recover.
-- Being more sorry for the betrayed spouse's pain than for one's guilt of unfaithfulness.
-- Growing in expressing true empathy and heartfelt apologies.
-- Doing whatever it takes to rebuild trust.
-- Successfully responding to the betrayed spouse's "triggers".
-- Making amends with your children.
-- Changing your core character.
As a spouse who has been cheated on physically and emotionally, I found this book very helpful. Unfortunately, my spouse is not willing to make the effort required for healthy healing to occur. The book is still immensely useful because it validates that my requests are reasonable.
If you are reading this review it's likely your life has been touched in this incredibly painful way. I'm sorry. Please know with ot without your spouse you can heal and grow. It will get better and you will experience happiness again if you allow it into your life. All the best.
I bought this book for my husband to read, but was curious and read it myself. From the perspective of the betrayed spouse, I highly recommend this book to other betrayed partners. We are about 6 months in from the affair discovery and the book gave me some great insight as to why I continue to be hung up on some issues and also assured me that my triggers are completely normal and understandable. At a time when you need all the assurance you can get, this book is really helpful. I'm sure my husband will think so too -- I'll give it to him tomorrow.
It's a short read, I purchased the audible version and finished it in just over 2 hours.
Update one month later. My husband not only read it,but turned around and immediately read it a second time. We've read several books during our struggle to get beyond the affair and this is the one he (and I) feel is the most helpful in dealing with our day to day relationship. The book has made a big difference in how he approaches the issue and he says is the only thing he's read that truly helps him understand things from my perspective. This book cannot be recommended more strongly.
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